Sunday, May 30, 2010

New Math

We've been enjoying all things Flyers related for the past month and a half. Part of it is the HBO documentary The Broad Street Bullies and part is how today's team fought their way into the playoffs, through a 3-0 hole and into the finals.

Yes, it's all very bandwagon-ish complete with new Flyers T-shirts. On Tuesday morning all of this Flyers business reached The Chancellor's purview when Fox 29 was on location outside a Modell's Sports gear store a 6 AM. She declared there and then that she wanted a shirt "before they ran out". I'm pretty sure she meant I should stop before work and buy Flyers T-shirts.

I procrastinated until Thursday at lunch when I finally headed to the Center City Modell's to buy 2 shirts. I had picked out a standard Orange model for both of us when I ran into my friends John and Phil. Phil was actually visiting from the UK while John was on the same mission as I - get me a Flyers shirt. 

John had enlisted the help of sales clerk who suggested a fitted T-shirt for the women. I like fitted and so I hung up the baggy orange one and got the white fitted one.

John also had a coupon for $10 off $50 dollars or more but we had only bought $42 worth of Flyers shirts each. This is where it gets a little complicated. Phil made the seemingly reasonable suggestion that we go in together in order to get the $10 off.

I paid $73 on my credit card and John gave me the cash he had at the time, $30 and we were done and quite proud of ourselves I might add.

Until I brought the shirt home. Apparently we had a conversation where she wanted an orange one. I had a white one and it had to go back.

On Friday I picked out a orange fitted one and headed to the counter to exchange them. Now at this point I should point out that the white one was $22 and the orange one was $20.

Ladies, what happens when we return something for a cheaper version? We get money back, right?

Not this time. Enrico Fermi behind the counter did his cash register magic on the exchange and the oracle of electronics determine that I OWED THEM 60 CENTS. To his credit, Enrico immediately knew this was an incorrect answer and called a supervisor over where they did some sort of override and then poof! I owed nothing.

I was just sort of scratching my head thinking "really?".

While he was putting all the receipts together and bagging my new shirt, I asked the question. It was simple question really. I asked "How is it possible that I returned a shirt that cost $22 and exchange it with a shirt for $20 and not get any money back?"

He was literally frozen behind the counter, speechless.

After a minute he composed himself and started defending what the machine had come up with. It seems the $10 off coupon is distributed evenly across all the items purchased so a $22 item becomes $19.39. blah blah blah.

He kept trying to explain this to me and I kept asking stupid questions like "and this makes sense to you?".

I had become "that guy".

Three of them where now huddling behind the counter and listening to me rant about how "this one is $22 and that one is $20". Lines were building. No one was being checked out. Tension was growing.

All I wanted was a little logic. Just nod your head up and down that you agree this is stupid and we can move on. But they just kept saying how the coupon wasn't a percentage discount, blah blah blah.

It was as if I had asked them a riddle of some kind.  As yet a third young genius was tying to solve this unsolvable puzzle, I gave up. I just said "nevermind".

It was my own "No mas". I figured out it wasn't worth a dollar and change to figure this out.

In the end $40 worth of shirts end up costing me $43. Oh and she still just wants the Orange baggy one like mine.

I'm blaming Phil.

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