Sunday, November 08, 2009

Once in a Lifetime

My Weight Watchers at Work officially ended a week and half ago but I am continuing on my own.

It started with a packed house of 50 women and three men back in August but by the end there were 15 of us and I was the sole surviving male. Needless to say this put me in awkward position, especially in the final session when the leader announced that her boyfriend proposed to her.

The ladies went a little nuts at this news as there was a collective oooh uuhhh from everyone except, well, me. I felt like a stranger in strange land.

This kind of sums up the public portion of my Weight Watchers experience. Me, at what turns out to be nearly a bridal shower and I am not the groom.

Ohh and I can not say this strong enough, THE LADIES HATE ME.

It's true, they actually hate me.

I knew I was in trouble early when after the first official weigh-in when I got on the elevator with one of the female participants and she said the following without so much as a hello:

"You are probably like all men and lost 5 pounds this week"

Her tone was like I had cheated on my wife.

I nodded politely and said "I did OK this week" when I had actually lost 8 pounds. I knew better that to enrage her while I was trapped in a steel cage with her.

Now 10 weeks later and it was just me at the pseudo-bridal shower and the ladies start asking direct questions at my obvious reduced size.

"May I ask how much you lost?" one of them asked. I knew better but I told her anyway.

"24 pounds"

They hate me.

They chalked it up to "Men cutting out junk food loose 20 pounds right away" but it was much more than that. I rigorously charted everything that went into my mouth for 11 weeks in a spread sheet. I would document and then eat. It was like a NASA program of some kind.

The first 8 weeks I did not even use the 35 bonus points per week at all. That sounds like a big deal but I had a lot of points compared to the ladies. The formula differentiates men and women by giving men 6 more points that a similar sized woman.

I also weighed everything I ate so I knew exactly what sized portion I had. By the way, that's something that sounds easy but isn't. I miscounted pasta and rice portions for weeks because I didn't realize that the portions on the box were for the product dry, before cooking. I had to do little home science projects to figure out how much pasta I was supposed to get.

I haven't done so much work with the metric system since Ridley State Park during my High School days, if you know what I mean.

I ate microscopic cupcakes and something called a "Skinny Cow" ice cream sandwich. If you think I am making up the size of the cupcakes, here a 1 point carrot cake. Yes, that's an actual quarter next it.

WWPortions 004

My wife wasn't "officially" on the program but she did it anyway, mostly out of competition. That un-official part nearly did her in. Being new to the program I didn't know there was a minimum number of points that everyone got and when I did here calculation, she was 4 points shy of the minimum.

She did that for a week and then announced she "felt like a poor starving nation". No kidding. You are getting the nutritional equivalent of the diet of someone in Somalia.

She wasn't writing anything down either. She would get to dinner and start adding up points for the day. "I had this and that, how many points is that?" and I would have to add it all up. It was like a math quiz every night while I was documenting every morsel that entered my mouth.

The ladies may be forming another Weight Watchers at Work program but given the love in the room, I may pass and just continue on my own.

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