Thursday, January 08, 2009

My Actual Response

To my sister's email:

Scam? No way!

If it took up two pages of the USA Today (when things like moon landings, world wars and nuclear reactor meltdowns take up like a half), their accountant sent it to them and it's similar to the famous Pepsi suing General Electric thing, it just has to be true, right?

Let alone that it's from some strangers friend named Pearlas Sandborn who really is an attorney even though she (he?) has an name that sounds like it was made up by the witness protection program AND Microsoft and AOL (and some how Intel) are the now the "largest internet companies".

Why this just has to be true. I'm counting my money already using a spread sheet on google, which apparently not one of the largest internet companies.

I'm sure that Microsoft and AOL have large, inexplicable email counting devices that count every single email that I send and looking for text like "PEARLAS SANDBORN" so they can add $245 minus two dollars to some unexplained account on my behalf for every person that I sent it to that sends it back out. Hell, I'm going to make this reply worth $490 right here: "PEARLAS SANDBORN". No, wait, I sent this to 21 people so that's $10,290 right there or is this only worth $241 since I got from you. Oh, I don't know, it's kind of confusing so I'll just wait for the check. I'm sure Bill will know. Or he has an army of people that will know.

I'm sure I'm bound to get at least $10,000 because everyone knows it's all marketing expenses to him anyway.

My money is as good as spent. Hey, help me out and send it to back me again. Ka-Ching! there is $241. Hell, let's just send it back and forth. It will only be two dollars less with each reply.

Now if you'll excuse me a friend of the son of the cousin of the President of IBM in Nigeria needs MY help in getting a large sum of money out his country and I have several heavenly unicorn LOL-cat angels waiting on responses to emails in my inbox.


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