Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Deer Down

On Friday of last week I put up the Christmas lights. This was two weeks and 20 degrees ahead of schedule as I usually get stuck putting them up two weeks before Christmas when it is 33 degrees out, 40 MPH winds and horizontal rain.

I put up those nets of lights around the bushes and bought some new globe lights for the tree out front. The secret is to have enough extension cords and a plan. I started 11 years ago writing down how I put the lights together the year before. I now have the plans for a lot of years between then and now.

I also put up the deer and I'm not sure why I bother. They only fall down.

Mrs F loves having the deer. We've always had deer. We're deer people.

The first deer we had was a bright white two dimensional model that had the equivalent brightness of 35 or so car headlights in incandescent lights. It had one red light on the nose. It was a Rudolph. Because it was two dimensional, it also had two giant stakes attached to the frame. The two stakes sank into the ground and anchored that bad boy into ground so that nothing was going rip that thing from the ground.

Rudolph never fell. He light up the neighborhood like it was mid-day but he never ever fell.

Rudolph was eventually replaced by a pair of three dimensional deer. Still white, male and female they were created, except in China. They stood three feet high but somehow they fit into a box that was 10 inches by 14 inches by 28 inches. They folded.

One was a boy deer and one was a girl. The boy stood on three legs like he was jumping before flying away. He never stayed up. Ever. I staked him down with PVC pipes, tent stakes, what ever and he never stayed up.

I would spend from December 1st to the first weekend in January picking boy-deer up off the ground after a stiff breeze. Girl deer had four full feet on the ground and never fell. Boy deer spent most days on the ground.

The other thing was that the lights would stop working in sections. The back legs would be dark or the front.

Somewhere in China there was a man laughing at me.

Eventually boy deer and girl ended up at the curb only to be replaced by stick deer. Stick deer is the one we have now. Stick deer falls down. A lot. He is down right now. I don't care.

Stick deer is three dimensional and painted brown. It is a technical marvel because it isn't bright white. It even has sticks on it's head.

"Deer down" Mrs F and I say as we pass our house.

This year when I put up stick deer, his head didn't light up. When he stands up, his head is dark.

That same Chinese man is laughing and now he bought a new BMW since I see a new deer in our future.

No comments: