Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Chooch of the year.

The boys are off for the summer and these first couple of days are an adjustment period for all of us. I have to remember not to wake them at 5:45 and I make them a list of things to do.

This morning as I rushed out the door to go work I took the time to write the following note:

Tuesday 17 June 2008

I'll give $20 to whoever cuts the grass, please make sure that both of you are here when the lawn work is being done.
No A/C today. It's nice out and open the windows.
If you go out, lock up.
if you use the shed, close the door and shut the lights.
: Eagle Eagle Eagle

That last bit was about his Eagle Scout badge and has oh, 40 days to complete a project and 5 merit badges that are various stages of completion.

I came home to find:

No grass cut.
The doors to the house wide open.
All the lights on.
The shed just as it was at 6:45.
Someone had made coffee and left the coffee, the grinder, the cups and the pot out. Someone had cut cantaloupe and left the fruit and seeds in the sink.

Think we have a failure to communicate. I think we need a break through communications.

Here then, is tomorrows note:

Wednesday 18 June, 2008


Feel free to wake when ever you want and then make yourself something to eat. Please DO NOT eat it in the kitchen. Eat it where ever you please and when you are done please hide the utensils. DO NOT put them in kitchen or even leave them out in the open but make sure they are hidden, like under a bed or better yet, in a couch cushion. I love it when your mother says "what is that?" and Everyone loves a good treasure hunt.
Al Gore can complain all he wants, I enjoy running the dishwasher every day so we have four forks.

Speaking of the kitchen, do not use the garbage disposal! It's for sissies. Leave what ever you want in the sink and let it rot in the summer heat. It's like a little science experiment.

DO NOT cut the grass. I actually enjoy hiding my face from our very patient neighbors, especially Mr F across the street who is always kind enough to tell me when trash day is even though I've lived on this street since 1993 and trash day has not changed. Maybe we'll get deer or even elk to graze on the tall grass. Perhaps a goat. Mr F should love that.

Make sure the A/C is on and the widows are open WIDE. Make sure all the lights are on in every room, whether or not it is occupied. We are up for customer of the year with PSE&G and we are this (hold two fingers 2 mm apart) close to having a new power plant named after us since we pretty much support one on our own. Pull those carbon rods up out of the core the Fxxxxxx are home! Woo Hoo! The planet is not heating up no matter what Al Gore says.

If you leave, makes sure all the doors are open. Not just unlocked, but WIDE open. Heck, prop them open so the dogs get out. Make sure the burglars can see the door is open from the street. I don't want them walking up to the door to see if it's open, tripping over your friends bike and suing us. Make sure you DO NOT TELL ME WHERE you are going even though you have more communications power in the pocket of your shorts than Morse and Marconi could have ever dreamed of.

Speaking of the dogs, makes sure that have clear access to the trash. Make sure the closet door is open so they can get to the trash can. Also, don't walk them even though they are a little hyper. We love it when they knock us over from the excitement of seeing someone they know when we get home.

When your Mom and I come home from a day at the office (which, by the way, is always a joy and it's criminal that they even pay us), make sure 16 of your closest friends are here so that we don't know whether to make 4 hamburgers or 20.

If you use the pool, please, please, please leave the towels where ever you want. The musty smell covers the trash smell from the dogs.

I am up for chooch of the year at my local chooch club and you can just follow through on the above, I'm a shoe-in. You can make me the Tiger Woods of Chooch-dom and put me at the top of the leader board.


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