Last year sometime our Microwave died. The next time we were at Target I picked up a microwave. I literally went down the aisle, picked one that looked good and put in the cart and paid for it.
No research. No Consumer Reports. No google.
Microwave. Cart. Visa card. Done. Check-that-off.
I chose it because it :
A. Was Smaller
B. Was black
C. Seemed to have numbers 0-9, etc on the controls.
This was a really bad idea.
We got it home, started using it and quickly realized how hard it was to enter a time and just have the stupid thing cook something. There seemed to be an "express cook" feature where you could press numbers 1-6 and have it cook something for 1-6 whole minutes but there wasn't a way to enter 2 minutes and 37 seconds and start cooking while watching the timer count down to 0:00 like every MICROWAVE I'VE EVER SEEN DOES.
I figured it had to be me being stupid so I searched the 7 page manual in 15 languages for "timed" cooking and other such topics.
I did find that if you pressed the "start" button by itself, the oven would cook for 30 seconds and you could cook popcorn by pressing one button.
In the past year I have found no way to cook food for anything other than 1-6 minutes or 30 seconds by using the handy number keys. This usually results in chilly food or a smoking pile.
I didn't think this was going to be a big deal until I cooked rice for 4. That's 2 cups of rice, two cups of water and 8 minutes in the microwave.
This used to be simple enough:
Press "8" followed by "0" followed by "0" and then press start.
No, now you need to be a computer programmer. Press "4", cook four minutes and when done press "4" again OR press 2 and 6, etc. Ohh and be there waiting for the first cycle to stop.
PRESSING THE KEY LABELED "8" DOES NOTHING. NOTHING. PRESSING THE "0" KEY ALSO DOES NOTHING.
How about those tasty microwave breakfast sandwiches I buy once it while? The instructions read "microwave for 40 seconds". Not 30, not 60 but 40. It turns out they are right. 40 seconds is perfect.
I asked the boys what they do to get around the "40" second rule and they were clever. Youngest son presses express cook for "1" and grabs the handle when 20 seconds are done. For Oldest Son this is too much math and too much waiting. He does the "30" second option and eats the sandwich partially chilly.
I cheated. Having read the instruction manual, I used one of the three "memory" slots for "0:40". But now I have to remember to Press "Memory" 3 times, twirl in place and say "there's no place like home" three times and press start.
Tonight I found a new secret. The buttons for "common foods" allow for lengths of time greater than 6 minutes. I discovered that if I press "Frozen Vegetables" three times, that equals "8:00". The display reads "16.0" and an LED lights for "Oz" and another little tiny chef hat LED lights. I have no idea what this means but when I press start, 8 minutes comes up on the display.
Somewhere in China, someone is laughing at me.
This entry has taken on a life of it's own and remains the only entry that people actually comment on. The Comments fall into two categories:
1. If you press the power button, the numbers all work like you suspect they should.
2. What the hell is wrong with you, I love this microwave. It saved my life.
Thank You for the many comments on "1". And you "2" people: You all work for Emerson, don't you.