Youngest Son, after repeated warnings, was text messaged by his girlfriend 1388 times last month and of course he had to reply to each and every one of them even though he knew it cost 15 cents per message.
1388 x 2 x $ 0.15 equals $416.40
Four hundred sixteen and 40/100 Freaking Dollars.
And that is exactly how I going to write the check.
Last month he racked up about 20 bucks worth and we had a little talk. A meaningless talk apparently, but we did have a talk. Every time you do that it cost 30 cents. OK?
(Helllll-o, every text message costs 15 cents, OK? ...... )
Four Hundred dollars.
I wouldn't mind, I guess, if the messages were Earth shattering communications about the end of the "war" in Iraq or Hamas and Fatah decided that Isreal really is OK and they can all just get along now (By the way which is which? Which one do we like again? Is it Fatah?) or Paris Hilton is back in prison and so is that other numbskull Nicole Richie.
Maybe even news of a completely fat free ice cream.
But it wasn't, it was Four HUNDRED dollars worth of:
"Yeah?" (30 cents)
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing" (30 cents)
And indecipherable goobly-gook like ROFLOL and "screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam"
I calculated that "Hey boo" works out to nearly 2 cents per character. I think for that kind of money he could have hired sky writers to write out:
over her house.
(and where in the world did "Boo" come from? Are we in the freakin' 'hood? Are we gh-ett-o fabulous?)
The bill did not come in one of the usual envelopes. No, it came in the "High Roller" envelope. This is the one where the Freaking Phone company doesn't fold the bill in half like normal but the bill comes as a stack of papers, unfolded, in a giant envelope.
This is because it is a physical impossibility to fold 87 piece of paper in half. I saw it on Myth Busters.
That's right 87 pages. With both sides printed. Mostly with this:
1041 06/28 10:53 PM
1042 06/28 10:54 PM
Over and Over and Over again.
NFT5 is labeled a "billing code". I think is stands for 'Nother Foolish Text 5 (for 5 times the going rate)
Every time I thought of it, I was sick to my stomach. It's like taking 400 dollars and setting it on fire.
Needless to say he is grounded, again. He asked "until when?"
I said "as soon as there is a month with an 'R' in it".
Ohh and you are paying for this, not me.