Friday, March 03, 2006

Shunning the Schnauzers

We have two “miniature” schnauzers named Shadow and Apollo but I call them Provo and Lone because if you are preparing any food in the kitchen both will quietly and magically appear right next to you.

They could be upstairs asleep one minute and then “poof!” they are right beside you looking up longingly for a piece of their favorite cheese.

It's like GE just developed a new kind of stealth schnauzer.

The female “miniature”, Provo, has now gotten so big that she can no long jump up on our queen bed. But she has a "great personality".

She comes right up beside you while you are lying in bed and gives a muted, hushed half-bark to let you know she wants in.

Not a “hey it’s the Fed-ex Man” bark or a wild Mom’s home! Mom’s home! bark but a single syllable “woof”.

It would be OK if she did the “woof” thing once but she just sits there giving a hushed “woof” every 15 seconds until you pick her up and put her on the bed.

Of course this is all just a clever trick to take your warm spot in bed. She is smarter then she looks.

They are also bit yappy.

At first I thought it was just our schnauzers that are this yappy and then one night we were flipping through channels and one of these AKC shows like “best in show” came on. We were watching the all the well behaved dogs come on and prance about, nary a bark to be heard.

Then the terriers came on and after several segments of different terriers the announcer said “next up, the miniature schnauzer”. After the commercial break the judges were examining some sort of wacky terrier with a nose like an anteater and in the background just behind the judge you could see the miniature schnauzer yapping like the mailman had just showed up with a chocolate covered pork chop.

I thought to myself “Now these are the best behaved schnauzers on the planet and they can’t shut up, what are the chances my two are going to be quiet?”

We are now in the process of re-training both to be quiet when we come in the house through what I call “shunning”.
When we come in, we turn our backs on the dogs until they are quiet.

Schnauzer people are also very proud of the fact that schnauzers do not shed hair and tell you that all the time. They point their fingers at the dogs and smugly say “they don’t shed”.

My brother misunderstood this as “they don’t shit” and thought they had really done some amazing things with breeding. He wanted one.

I'm hoping the shunning thing works, but even if it doesn't, at least they don't shit^H^H^ed.

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