Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Shower Head/Spaceship

So a couple of weeks ago I finally got around to changing out our shower head after months of "gentle nudging" from Mrs F. The old one worked fine but was covered in mineral deposits (yuchhh).

So off we went to the local Home Depot to pick out our shower head and like most things in the US these days, the choices were endless. Did we want a detachable? Massage? A narrow shower head with a wide spray? A wide spray?

A Home Depot "associate" wandered by and we asked him "What should we buy?"

He asked a few questions, suggested a few and then he added: "Well, he said, it won't matter because you are going to hate it because the of the flow"

What the?

We chose the Water Pik Cascadia Hand Held.

I liked it because it looked like a space ship from the old War of the Worlds movie (not the new one). I held it up and made a Vvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrt sound, attacking Mrs F with the imaginary death ray.

She liked it because she envisioned a downpour of hot water covering her whole body like a warm blanket. A luxuriously, steamy Hollywood shower.

I'm not the handiest guy but this was easy to install. Channel lock pliers and a twist and the old one was down and just that fast the new one was up. A quick test showed that it was leaking a bit but that was taken care of by tightening.

The very next morning I got up and tried the new shower. I turn it on hot and wait for it to warm up. I get in and I am half in the shower and half out of the shower. Parts of me are cold.

I feel like I am Jim Carrey in the The Truman Show. There is a scene in Truman on the beach at night where the director wants Truman to go home so he calls for "rain" to get Truman off the beach - except the "rain" only falls on Truman's head and not all around him.

And it is not very forceful either.

I check to make sure I have the Cascadia Hand-Held in "downpour" and not "power rinse" mode since it is a two speed.


This is the way it works apparently.

The old one was like a firehose. It would hurt you to turn that baby all the way up. It would push you into the corner like you were rioter in Watts in '68. It stung on full throttle.

Now I need to run around to get everything wet. Well, rock back and forth. Or dance

Then someone flushed.

Parts got burned that should not get burned.

This also never happened with the old one.

Luckily there was plenty of space to get out the way of the molten lava now dribbling out of the Cascadia Hand-Held. In fact, I could have sent out invitations for others to stand around steaming garden hose flow inside the shower with me. We could have had a party in my 3 x 3 shower. I danced as the scolding liquid touched my toes.

Little did I know that my government was resposible for burning my sensitive areas and leaving my butt out in the cold. I learned this from "Ask Ann!" on Water Pik's webpage. I asked Ann "What the heck is wrong with my water pressure" and Ann responded with this:

User: Showerhead Perfomance

Agent: Waterpik® showerheads have been designed in compliance with the Energy Bill passed by the Federal Government in October of 1992. This policy, which became effective January 1, 1994, set showerhead flow rates at 2.5 gallons per minute. Therefore, our current shower models are designed with a control device, which allows for optimum performance at the maximum flow rate of 2.5 gallons of water per minute.

2.5 Gallons per minute! I imagine a 1 gallon milk container filled with water over my head making that gluk-gluk-gluk sound - 2 and a half of them in a minute. That is not a lot of water.

So ....
  • This was all a large goverment plot
  • It had been a long, long time since I've bought a new shower head.
  • One should not buy things because they look like a spaceship.
  • Ann is a poor speller (perfomance).

I may have to buy a black market Shower head from the former Yugoslavia.


Neil said...

Damn government. They tax us, force us to get strip searched in airports, stop us from smoking in bars -- and then take away our water pressure. No wonder why my dishes are always so dirty coming out of my new dishwasher. I say, no one should shower until we get our water pressure back!

stephanie said...

it's a water pressure problem. comign from a family that sold tile, marble and bathrooms... there are showerheads you can buy that are not "slow-flow."

then you'll be really happy :)