I Can Fly
Once when my boys were 5 and 3 they where taking a bath together and were fighting in the tub. It hadn't escalated to fists yet but it was getting close.
Having been through this a couple of times I knew that just asking them to stop wasn't going to work and raising my voice was getting less and less attention so I leaned in the tub and told them both:
"Did you know I could fly?"
The fighting stop instantly and you could see the little thought processes kicking in. "You know I've never seen him fly, but......"
They sat there kind of stunned and then finally the older one spoke up.
"But you drive to work"
I told him I drive around the corner and the fly from there. He seemed satisfied with the answer.
When I was a boy...
I told them there were three sexes were I was a boy:
Boys, Girls and Bleemus. I told them if you look really hard in older elementry schools you can still see the boarded up Bleemus lavatory.
Once I forgot what I had called third sex and said there "boys, girls and blivets" and the younger one caught me at it. He said "I thought they were blemuses".
I taught them this joke:
This grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we have drink named after you" and the grasshopper says "You have a drink named Steve?"
Which is just hilarious when a 3 year old says it.
Let's ditch your mom
The four of us were at my sisters for a family party. We were leaving so we all headed off to the car, got the kids in their cars seats and Mrs Blogger forgot something in the house so she went back in.
Just joking around, I said "OK Boys, this is our chance, let's get out of here"
They shouted "Noooooo!" in unison.
I said "Why not?"
With out missing a beat one of them said "She puts sun lotion on us and pays the bills".